Oh Sweet Jesus, Please Make Them Shut Up

I came into work today with the intention of working on a project that I’ve been trying to get done for some time. Once I got here, I was immediately reminded of why it’s been taking so long. I work with some of the noisiest people in the world. My opinion, of course, but I think anyone would agree. We are one of the few departments who still have actual offices yet the people over in the IT department with their skimpy little cubicles have more peace and quiet than I do.  As I type this, I am simultaneously grinding my teeth and biting my tongue to keep from screaming out the words; SHUT UP. It all started this morning when one coworker decided to pop in to tell me about her son’s expensive Christmas list. The child does have expensive taste but I learned long ago not to offer my opinion on my coworker’s buying habits at Christmas. I do not have children, therefore I cannot know. Then the environmental service person (the woman who cleans our office) launches into a diatribe against her boss. She had good points. We work in an old, old office. There is no way to adequately clean the toilets. Her boss should understand that and move on. I agree one hundred percent.  Then it was another coworker who had to blast into the office with her usual mind-numbing rattling off of everything she has to do for her daughter’s wedding. Thankfully a friend stopped by to see her and she went behind closed doors to elaborate the details of said daughter’s wedding. Then a former coworker dropped by. She’s going through a divorce and had to describe and be counseled right outside my office. I do feel bad for her because she is a nice person but I’m not that close to her and I feel a bit uncomfortable with her describing some of the details RIGHT OUTSIDE MY OFFICE. I did get up and close the door at that point. Most people would take that as an invitation to move away from my door but not these three. They continued to talk at my door. After about an hour they went away but that only brought the environmental service lady back. She’s holding forth on a few other opinions now. Combine this with the wedding woman walking back and forth to the kitchen to check on the coffee (that she doesn’t know how to make). The environmental services lady helped her with the coffee, thank goodness. She knows I don’t drink it and don’t make it but she keeps looking at me like I might be holding out some savant coffee skill. Now the other coworker is back complaining about her back. She’ll be in soon to show me pictures of some obscure rat she’s found online. They’re cute and I enjoy looking at them but seriously, I was going to get work done today.

It’s lunch time. They’re gathering around the conference table. I guess I may as well give it up. I’m not going to get any work done today. I should just go out there and join in the conversation. It sure would be nice to duct tape their flappin’ lips closed before I sat down with my lunch. Would duct tape be considered assault or doing the world a favor?

Oh dear god, the wedding woman is back. Is there no end to this caterwauling? I may be exaggerating about the caterwauling but my brain is so tired it can’t tell anymore.

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