Not Quite Right

Do you ever have those days when nothing feels right? Not that anything is bad in my life or that I’m having a bad day but something is OFF and I don’t know what. I was sick last week but am better now and back to work. I didn’t leave anything on at the house. I know I locked the doors and put the garage door down and even remembered to take out the trash. So why do I feel that there is something important that I’m forgetting or not acknowledging?

Even more disturbing, I feel like the OFF-NESS is associated with my new job. I’m a nurse who works in Organizational Development at a local hospital. I was in clinical informatics until September of this year but left after getting my masters degree to pursue my goal of being a nursing educator. Clinical IT was a little too corporate for me. I felt completely cut off from nursing. I saw this job as perfect, incorporating aspects of clinical education with curricula design and program evaluation. Truth is, I feel more removed from nursing now than ever. My boss tells me not to worry, that it can take up to six months to get up and running with my own projects and feel involved and relevant. That was before she cancelled meetings on one of my projects. Before I saw the futility of offering any opinion that differed from hers. Don’t get me wrong, she’s nice and a fair boss (at least that’s what I thought) but I’m wondering if I just traded a frying pan for a fire.

Am I just making too much out of a decision she had good reason to make? I don’t know. She’s off on a cruise this week. I don’t want to think that I made a mistake in coming here. But there’s this OFF-NESS that makes me wonder. Maybe it’s just the strange grey pall that seems to be covering everything? Maybe it’s the result of the tragedy in Connecticut on Friday? Maybe it’s the knowledge that the world is predicted to end this week? Maybe I just need to take a few deep breaths, relax and wait to speak with my boss when she returns (or the world ends). Either way, I hope I know more by the end of the week!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mauriceabarry
    Dec 17, 2012 @ 10:50:00

    My $0.02…You should never ignore your feelings; there’s generally good reasons why you have them. That said, the feelings should make you reflect before you act…and that’s just what you are doing. I think you are on the right track waiting a bit and talking it through.

    Reply

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